It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
