Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
