I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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