I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
