hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just gargled with NyQuil
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
