Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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