Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
