my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Barsexuality is the new black.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
