You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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