did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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