Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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