Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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