hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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