I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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