oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I intend to get homeless drunk
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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