I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize