my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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