I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
