similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
