Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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