That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
