Nicole vs. Life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
