That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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