i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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