I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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