I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
