Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize