i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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