They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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