Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
