i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't notice because vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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