Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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