Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
