omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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