Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
