Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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