Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
