I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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