At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
