you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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