I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
