So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
