I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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