Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
