my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize