Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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