Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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