i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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