you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you traded sex for a burrito?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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