If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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