I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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