She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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