i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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