So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
