Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
