My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry about my life...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
