Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
