just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
