I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
