Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
