And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
