I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
