One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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