Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
