so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
