why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize