totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she pinky promised me she was 18
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't put those talents on a resume
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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