she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
